So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
