Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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