obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
