Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I forget how to act sober
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize