it wasn't lemon gatorade
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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