Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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