Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
