you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
