he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
