Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
