I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
