she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
