are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
