Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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