So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
