I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
organizing the empties. That sober.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
