I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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