did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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