does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are we still banned from the library?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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