thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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