K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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