I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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