my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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