i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
