i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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