Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
