I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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