I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
