actually, I'm a sock model
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
