I feel like abortions should bother me more
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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