I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
