they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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