its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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