Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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