C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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