okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
