Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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