so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
