she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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