You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
