I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
