that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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