...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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