i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
