i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
