my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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