Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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