I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
