batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
