We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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