I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
