please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
