dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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